OOO #94: Outfits, Ohio, and Other Things I Like

I do love Bruce Springsteen, a museum, and the definitive Starburst Power Ranking

Outfits

Person A: Have you ever been to a rock concert?

Person B: No, she’s too formal for that. Too sophisticated.

Ohio

A few weekends ago, I went on my first trip to the Columbus Museum of Art. I went on a Sunday, so entrance was free, which was timely, as my students and I had just finished debating the merits and drawbacks of museums having admission fees.

I had the absolute joy (and privilege) of growing up in the museum world, but I think this sentiment is universal: museums are renewing. I have never left a museum feeling worse off than how I entered, no matter the subject matter. In a time when we are eternally distracted (I have checked my phone three times since starting this section and started reading an op-ed. How do I get anything done?), museums give us space and reason to contemplate rather than force us to consume.

The Columbus Museum of Art’s permanent collection is primarily focused on American and modern and contemporary art. This is not typically my museum milieu, BUT I decided to be game to learn something new.

My curiosity was rewarded with an Artemisia Gentileschi.

If you are not familiar with the name, Artemisia Gentileschi was a 17th century Italian painter—decidedly neither American nor modern. Her most famous painting is likely Judith Slaying Holofernes, which is in the Uffizi Galleries. Much of her work is about Biblical women, and her oeuvre is beautiful, precise, and thought-provoking. I could not believe that a Gentileschi had been hanging in the Columbus Museum of Art, just a few miles from my home; had I known, I would have visited the first weekend I moved here. The Columbus Museum of Art’s Gentileschi is a depiction of Bathsheba bathing while being watched by King David. It’s the sixth photo in the gallery of photos below.

The more I wandered the galleries, the more I realized that the Columbus Museum of Art has amassed an impressive collection of women-made art. In fact, I cannot recall another museum (other than obviously the National Museum of Women in the Arts) that has such a high female to male art ratio. Brava!

The collection had some other wonderful pieces too—A Chihuly in the Edwards Court, several Monets, a very cool Hopper, this painting of Iris (when was the last time you remember seeing Iris in a work of art?), and this beautiful tapestry that I couldn’t get enough of:

I really enjoyed the museum (including the cafe), and I sleep much better knowing there is an Artemisia Gentileschi less than five miles from my house.

Other Things I Like

The Definitive Starburst Power Ranking:

I picked up a package of Starburst a few weeks ago for some of my students. I learned a long time ago that if I, a random teacher, asks for you, a teen, to give up your phone and other devices for standardized testing, you are much more amenable to doing so if I am offering you some candy as a peace offering. Starburst still seem to be the most popular candy option (with Jolly Ranchers are a close second), so every standardized test, I enter the room with a large yellow bag, which leaves the room greatly depleted (DEAR TESTING COMPANIES THAT ARE DEFINITELY READING MY SUBSTACK: THE STUDENTS EAT THE STARBURST BEFORE BUT NEVER DURING THE EXAM. I AM NOT BREAKING RULES. DO NOT WORRY).

This of course leads to the same scenario every time: I pour a bunch of Starburst into my hand and ask students to choose one. The pink Starburst go first. Then, I walk up to a bold kid who looks at my palm of yellow, red, and orange candies, and they ask “do you have any pink?” I discard my palmful of Starburst into the bag, pull out a new assortment and start the process over again.

Therefore, as standardized testing season is upon us, it is time for the definitive Starburst Power Ranking. In this highly unscientific rating system, flavors will be assigned a score from 1-10, where 1 is the best and 10 is the worst.

Pink: 1

Pink is obviously the best flavor. Actually, pink isn’t even the flavor—it’s strawberry. It took until the year of our lord 2025 for me to realize that there is a flavor on the pink wrapper (the white on pink writing is hard to read), and it is indeed strawberry. But I digress...

The pink starburst is the sweetest and the most delicate of the four cardinal flavors, and there is a reason why it’s always the first to disappear from the bag. I don’t think this is a controversial pick. If it is… well… what is wrong with you?

Yellow: 5

This is where people are going to start yelling at me. Yellow is next in the ranking only because the other two remaining flavors are gross. As I have mentioned in previously, “sour” is my favorite taste, so I naturally gravitate toward lemon-flavored treats (the lemon Skittle is similarly beloved). The lemon flavor of the yellow Starburst isn’t as lemony as I would like and does sometimes have a chemical taste to it (Starburst are all natural, right?), which is why it doesn’t have a higher score.

Orange: 8

The other day, a student told me that orange was his favorite flavor, and I was confounded. I gave him eight of them because I didn’t to take them home. Who wants the specter of orange Starburst in their house? Artificial orange flavor is usually gross (it’s only good in ‘creamsicle’ iterations), and Starburst is no exception.

Red: 6.02214076×10²³

The red Starburst tastes worse that the Cherry Tylenol we give our son when he has a fever. They are disgusting, and I don’t know why anyone approved this flavor in the first place. Watermelon or apple would be better choices. Artificial cherry is generally offensive to the tastebuds, and the red starburst is no exception.

If you think the red Starburst taste good, I recommend some sort of existential palate cleanser because seriously, what are you thinking? I do not understand why the “pink and red” Starburst pack exists. It should just be pink. This is a political platform that I think could indeed heal America.

Don’t leave me any comments if you disagree with me because I don’t care and won’t change my mind!!!! You are welcome to agree with me though.

That’s it! Have a great rest of your week.